Post jokes, cartoons, funny pics/clips, whatever makes you laugh.

Knowledge Pill

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

"What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.

"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied "Well, you know ... math always was a little hard to swallow."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r71dRixtsRc
nice video

Q: Why don’t blind people skydive?

A: It scares the heck out of the dog.

A guy walks into a bar, clearly frazzled, and orders 12 shots of bourbon. The bartender lines them up, and the guy takes them down, hand over hand. He gets through about seven before taking a pause.

“You okay,” asks the bartender. “You seem like you’re in a hurry.”

“You’d be in a hurry, too, if you had what I had.”

“What do you have?” questions the bartender.

“Seventy-five cents.”

What's new pussycat?

Patient: Doctor, I can’t stop singing “Delilah” and “The Green Green Grass of Home”. What is wrong with me?

Doctor: I believe you have what is known as Tom Jones Syndrome.

Patient: Tom Jones Syndrome? My God, is that rare?

Doctor: It’s not unusual.

Hey if u want to laught try this http://enfrge.forumotion.com/smile-f23/don-t-whine-laugh-t23.htm#138
:))

It does take some getting used to

A guy leaves town to become a pirate and comes back after a few years on the high seas. He runs into an old buddy of his on the street, and they start to chat:

“Hey, I hear you’re a pirate now! I see you’ve got a hook for an arm. What happened?”

“Well, we were sailing with a hold full of treasure and another pirate ship attacked us and took the gold! One of ‘em cut off me hand with his cutlass!”

“That’s terrible! I’m so sorry! I see you have an eyepatch, too. What happened?”

“Well, I was up in the crow’s nest as a lookout and a seagull shat in me eye!”

“Oh, no! But why do you need an eyepatch for that?”

“Arr, well, I wasn’t used to me hook yet.”

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Stand up comedy :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaybOwDhJZo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQm_8vX3sYU

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny’s mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

“First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse”,she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. “O.K., now take off my skirt”, and he takes off her skirt. “Now take off my bra”, which he does.

“And now, Johnny, please take off my panties”. Johnny finishes removing these too.

His mother then finally says, “Johnny, PLEASE don’t wear any of my clothes to school anymore.”