Don't whine - laugh.

Post jokes, cartoons, funny pics/clips, whatever makes you laugh.

Knowledge Pill

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

"What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.

"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied "Well, you know ... math always was a little hard to swallow."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r71dRixtsRc
nice video

Q: Why don’t blind people skydive?

A: It scares the heck out of the dog.

A guy walks into a bar, clearly frazzled, and orders 12 shots of bourbon. The bartender lines them up, and the guy takes them down, hand over hand. He gets through about seven before taking a pause.

“You okay,” asks the bartender. “You seem like you’re in a hurry.”

“You’d be in a hurry, too, if you had what I had.”

“What do you have?” questions the bartender.

“Seventy-five cents.”

What's new pussycat?

Patient: Doctor, I can’t stop singing “Delilah” and “The Green Green Grass of Home”. What is wrong with me?

Doctor: I believe you have what is known as Tom Jones Syndrome.

Patient: Tom Jones Syndrome? My God, is that rare?

Doctor: It’s not unusual.

Hey if u want to laught try this https://enfrge.forumotion.com/smile-f23/don-t-whine-laugh-t23.htm#138
:))

It does take some getting used to

A guy leaves town to become a pirate and comes back after a few years on the high seas. He runs into an old buddy of his on the street, and they start to chat:

“Hey, I hear you’re a pirate now! I see you’ve got a hook for an arm. What happened?”

“Well, we were sailing with a hold full of treasure and another pirate ship attacked us and took the gold! One of ‘em cut off me hand with his cutlass!”

“That’s terrible! I’m so sorry! I see you have an eyepatch, too. What happened?”

“Well, I was up in the crow’s nest as a lookout and a seagull shat in me eye!”

“Oh, no! But why do you need an eyepatch for that?”

“Arr, well, I wasn’t used to me hook yet.”

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Stand up comedy :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaybOwDhJZo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQm_8vX3sYU

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny’s mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

“First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse”,she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. “O.K., now take off my skirt”, and he takes off her skirt. “Now take off my bra”, which he does.

“And now, Johnny, please take off my panties”. Johnny finishes removing these too.

His mother then finally says, “Johnny, PLEASE don’t wear any of my clothes to school anymore.”

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together.

I couldn’t believe it when she asked if I’d be interested in meeting up and re-kindling a little of that “magic. “”Wow!” I said. “I don’t know if I could keep pace with you now. I’m a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me.” She just giggled and said she was sure I’d “rise” to the challenge.

“Yeah” I said, “Just so long as you don’t mind a man with a waistline that’s a few inches wider these days!” She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Anyway, she giggled, “I’ve put on a few pounds myself!”

So I told her to beep off.

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. “Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?”

“Even worse,” she assured him in her most scornful one. “You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face.”

“He’s an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!”

“You did. All over his suit, ” Louise informed him. “And he fired you.”

“Well, beep him,” said John.

“I did. You’re back at work on Monday.”

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.

A farmer replied, “Joe’s mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.”

“Well,” replied the man, “she must have had a lot of friends.”

“Nope,” said the farmer, “we all just want to buy his mule.”

A redneck couple, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed.”
The doctor asked them why, after 9 children, they would choose to do this.
The husband replied that they had read a recent article that 1 out of every 10 children being born in the United States was Mexican and they didn’t want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he’d first had sex.

“It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours,” Clem recalled.

“That sounds wonderful,” said Jed.

“Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us.”

“Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?”

“Baaaaa…”

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit.

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from
Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied,
"Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office.
"Doc," he says, "I'm worried. It's that dream. I'm having it again."
"What dream?" asked the shrink.
"You know, the one where I'm into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or am I just beating a dead horse?"

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IFh3XPYo6o&feature=related Family Guy, a very funny sitcom